I was the fat kid. Luckily, I was fortunate to have friends that never really teased me about my weight, so I was pretty naive until the ugly teenage years.
My daily outfit consisted of A. pants that were not jeans B. a shirt that was too tight and C. A big ol' hoodie to cover it all up. I always zipped it down far enough that you couldn't see my chunky tummy bits :D.
I was always so uncomfortable and self conscious. Probably mostly uncomfortable because of the hoodie that I never took off. I'm not exaggerating. NEVER took off. Ever. I can remember one summer at the town fair people were having heat stroke and I was wearing my hoodie..... STUPID.
Well at the end of grade 8 I had had ENOUGH.
I wanted to lose weight, but I really didn't know how. Weight loss in my world of people meant going on a diet or finding a quick way to lose weight. I don't judge them now, most people are like that.
This was around the time I started using the internet because we didn't have dial up anymore.... I started researching things like "Quick ways to lose weight", "How do I lose 20lbs in a month", "fast weight loss", "How to lose belly fat"- you get the picture.
Then I came across a MIRACLE GREEN TEA :D. My problems were solved. Thank the heavens!! WHOOO! I just have to drink this tea and I will lose like a million pounds in a few days. You think this is funny? This is how I thought. I didn't know any better.
I showed my mom because it had to be ordered online and I couldn't do that myself. She was OBVIOUSLY skeptical, but for my sake she called a health foods store and asked if the claims were true.
The health food store said no.
I cried hard.
I had already been looking for new clothes in the Sears Catalogue in a size 2 because the tea claimed I would lose all this weight!! Come on.........
I cried some more.
I was devastated. I thought I found a way out of the trap that was my body.
Mom obviously could see that I was a hopeless mess, so she sat me down and said if you want this, we will get a gym membership and work HARD.
So we did.
We signed up at a gym in the next couple of days. It was an all ladies gym because the both of us were self conscious.
We learned the ropes and kept going. I was walking on the treadmill, using the elliptical, the step... whatever the heck those are called, and weights. We went 2 hours a day 5 days a week religiously.
When grade 9 started I felt freaking AWESOME. I don't know how much weight I lost because I never weighed myself, but I went from a size 18 to a size 14 in 2 months. People were even noticing! (Maybe because I didn't wear a giant sweater anymore... ) I got new clothes, wore jeans, and showed off my body with more form fitting clothing.
Then we stopped going to the gym. There was always an excuse not to drive there.
I was always fairly active IN school. I did basketball and volleyball and actually enjoyed gym class (well except when we had to run "the mile")
But sadly, when I came home I was a HUGE couch potato. I was also a big emotional eater and always have been.
I still didn't know enough about weight loss. I didn't know the big picture. It took a long time to figure that out.
Grade 12 rolled around and I felt gross. I felt like I was eating healthy (like actually healthy) and I was going to the gym again.
One day I decided I had to start being honest with myself, and stop hiding from the scale. I always ignored it because I didn't want to see the truth. Stepping on that scale was a huge step for me. I won't tell you my weight, but I was FLOORED. Like I had NO idea I weighed that much.
Buuuuut I didn't do anything about it. Probably went and ate some cake...
My first year of university started, and I wasn't focused on losing weight AT ALL. I had enough crap to deal with.
One day I tried on one of my nice shirts (I was wearing sweats always) and the sleeves were huge! Next time I was home I weighed myself- I dropped 20 some pounds without trying!!
When I went home my parents noticed I was eating a lot less than I normally did, and so did I! I was eating half of what I used to because I was so full.
I was motivated to get moving again.
Second year- I dropped to my lowest weight (since the all time high in grade 12). But I lost weight the wrong way. I ate clean which means whole foods and no processed crap (obviously for the most part), but where I went wrong is how much I ate. I drank coffee in the morning......... snack........... Big supper of about 600- 800 calories....... couple snacks. I noticed the less I ate the more weight I lost. So I tried to wait til supper to eat. Sadly, I was also excited after a night of drinking because I would be dehydrated and the scale would go down.... I hate that I thought any of this (thankfully I don't now).
Obviously I couldn't keep that up for very long.
Third year- I was a mess, and I stuffed my face with pizza and other junk.
Then I met Mark :).... now I was happy and well I eat when I'm happy too! hahaha New relationship=weight gain.
|21st birthday (2013) I was down about 10 lbs|
The scale started creeping up further and further and further until I was 10lbs away from my highest weight. Scary.
Enough was enough. I felt disgusting in my own body. AGAIN.
I have no idea how I even started searching fitness on Instagram but I did. This opened up a whole new world for me. People that were going through what I was going through, people who understood how important it was to me, and people that made me sooo motivated. That's how my blog Instagram turned into almost completely fitness related.
This time around something was different. Something clicked and it felt like it was my time. I had everything else I wanted, but this- to be fit.
I researched and researched and researched, and hot damn I finally figured out weight loss without starving myself.
|Down 15lbs since the beginning of November 2013|
Why am I trying to lose weight?
Is it for vanity? Yes and no, but mostly no.
Yes, because I am tired of covering my body. I'm tired of having to find a shirt or a dress to cover parts I don't like. I don't want to wear spanx or any shaping things. I want to be comfortable in my skin, and I want to be comfortable in clothes. Ya get to a point where it's like F*CK what am I DOING? I want to throw on whatever I find in the morning and like the outfit because of the body underneath.
No, because I know how important it is to be healthy not skinny, and I know this is the time where it's going to count. Anyone who really knows me knows babies are so important to me. I've taken enough nutrition and development classes that I know being overweight could jeopardize a pregnancy. I don't want to start trying to get pregnant 5-10 years from now, and realize "Geez I really should lose this weight first". It's time to start now so I'm healthy for later. Being overweight can affect your fertility and it can cause complications in a pregnancy. Not gunna be me. I won't let it.
I also want to be ready to set good examples for my family. I want my future kids to be excited about fitness and not realize it's fitness... I want it to be a lifestyle. I want to go for a run and I want them to want to be with me because it's fun.
I will fail. I will fall backwards. I want to quit about 4 times a month, but I know what's important to me. I know now that I won't stop trying.
This is my story. The long and the short of it (but mostly long haha).